1.) (Please read the following passage bearing in mind that the character has a British Accent)
This, here, is my lily pad. I live a high-wired life, flicking out my lightening tongue to catch flies. I creep up on them; it’s a talent of mine. One second they’re flying around carefree, committing their crimes—i.e., the crime of being alive—and the next second BAM. No more flies, no more crimes. My lifestyle really pulls in the ladies, too—they can’t resist me when I ribbit and puff out my throat.
I don’t know if I’ve introduced myself… The name’s Pond.
James Pond.
2.) (Takes place on a big boat)
The Dread Pirate Captain, Sea Devil, Man on Water, lowered his telescope and said, “Arrr!” in the tones of one who has wearily followed tradition for a lifetime. His skipper looked up.
“Arr, Dread Pirate Captain, Sea Devil, Man on Water?” the skipper asked.
“Yes, arrr, skipper. It be the time to say ‘arrr.’”
“Why’s that, Dread Pirate Captain, Sea Devil, Man on Water?"
“We must find the treasure, skipper!” Cried Dread Pirate Captain, Sea Devil, Man on Water, rather exasperatedly. Then, for good measure, he growled, “Arrr!”
“Right, sir. Arr.” The skipper had never really gotten into the spirit of things. “What sort of treasure are we looking for, Dread Pirate Captain, Sea Devil, Man on Water?”
“Treasure! Loot! One, two, three, four, What are we pirates for?” replied the now terribly annoyed Dread Pirate Captain, Sea Devil, Man on Water. The skipper thought about this, then took off one of his boots and handed it to the Dread Pirate Captain, Sea Devil, Man on Water.
“What’s this,” snapped the now-furious Dread Pirate Captain, Sea Devil, Man on Water.
“It’s our booty.”
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